3WW: water
2009 May 27
Today’s prompts at Three Word Wednesday are
Dreary
Embrace
Timid
water
rigid skyscrapers protrude into flocculent
storm clouds lying low over the city
in a dreary embrace of opposing greys
the first timid drops are miniscule explosions,
raising an areola of steam into the air
producing that distinctive smell
that rain creates when wetting
dry earth and concrete that’s lain in the
summer sun too long without moisture
as the storm builds our bodies entwine,
the sweat from your brow falling on my breast
on my stomach, on my thighs
the stone that i have been for time without end
absorbs the moisture and is transformed into
a softer, yielding, enveloping vessel
fill me up
Very atmoshpheric writing!
timid embrace forces out dreary thoughts
Nicely done.
loved the feeling this gave me. one suggestion would be to tighten this line, “summer sun too long without moisture”, maybe “scorching summer sun too long” or “blazing summer sun”, something like that maybe.
evokes a lot of passion, this one does. -Meg
Thanks, all.
I like your suggestion, Meg. I actually deleted “hot” from the summer sun line…I’m always afraid I’m using too many adjectives. Some poetry I read with a lot of adjectives comes off as too deliberate to me.
I strive for natual. Good criticism, though. Keep it coming!
Heh. “Natural” not natual.
Steamy and sensual.
I like the like and like natural, less adjectives.
nicely done.
terribly sensual. I know the smell you’re describing. I’ve spent a lot of time in the desert, and there’s that distinctive smell of the dust anticipating the rain in very much the way you’ve described the MC anticipating her lover’s touch. Very nicely done.
Thank you Thom, quin & pjd.
pdj, that is an indescribable smell, isn’t it? Living in NoLA I don’t often experience it but it rained a week or so ago & I happened to be in my garden when the fist drops fell. It had been dry for a while and that smell just permeated my senses. That little moment is what inspired this verse.
Great images and metaphor, naughty, but nicely!
I love this one, and particularly appropriate for this time of year! “The sweat from your brow falling on my breast” — very sensual.
you have such a firm grasp on erotica when it comes to poetry
I love your use of smell here. And your connection of the rain with the movement of bodies is beautiful.
Thanks everyone!