“The structure of dreams makes for lousy poetry — the associational and tangential but linear structure of the form is so overdetermined.”
With Read Write Prompt #100 poet Bruce Covy challenged us to write a poem inspired or mined from our dreams. I was excited by this prompt because only a week or so earlier I had awakened from a dream with a phrase echoing in my head and I felt compelled to write it down. It became the first line in this poem. Each line thereafter has come from a phrase or image remembered from a subsequent nights’ dream. This is really a departure from my usual style of writing so I’m quite anxious to hear what y’all think. Poems from other RWP participants can be found here.
Japanese Plum Blossom from my back garden ~ 2008
Perceptions From REM
She was either schizo or
just plain manipulative
She lived her life
between the lines
With a juicy orange Japanese
plum in her mouth
She had a talking dog named
Bonzo
who only ever said
“I want my mamma”
Visions of dead kittens
and writhing insects made
her scream wordlessly at night
Interlopers criticized the
cleanliness of her kitchen
Still, the girl from Gentilly with
the pouty painted lips urged,
“come out!”
16 Comments
“she lived her life between the lines” would make a pretty decent epitaph. The plum seals it, though.
If this is a departure from your usual style, you handled it very well.
You have done a great job here!
skin dreams
The writhing insects and dead kittens sound like my dreams!
You did a great job here, loved you descriptive phrasing, and your dreamworld was mesmerizing!
I’d scream too, especially if someone criticized the cleanliness of my kitchen! An uncomfortable world to inhabit.
Beautiful!
I particularly like the disquieting lines:
Visions of dead kittens
and writhing insects made
her scream wordlessly at night
I like this because I think it successfully manages to weave together disparate details (which are what one expects from/in a dream) so as to make them somehow sensible or “whole” in the person described, so that we are intrigued, even concerned about her circumstances.
I enjoyed your poem. It is about someone living an edgy existence. You have included some very tactile imagery, the “juicy orange plum” and the “writhing insects”. People like your dream girl to seem to be manipulative, don’t they? This was an interesting read Zouxzoux. Thanks.
“interlopers criticized the cleanliness of her kitchen” a quirky, fun line. i’m with barbara, the plum added a great color to this canvas.
-lawrence
Thanks to all for your comments. This has been a dream journey I found interesting…it all seems to revolve around speech and the mouth. Hmmmmm….oral fixation? LOL!
i like what you have done…thanks for sharing
I enjoyed the musicality and “beat” feeling of “Perceptions from REM.”
By the way, I’m near Pensacola and have a writer’s cottage on an old bay lot that’s loaded with loquat trees — love to watch the crows sit on a branch eating them.
The squirrels like the one in my backyard. It’s just putting out new blossoms now and ya know how the honey bees love that! I *love* Pensacola – lots of good summer memories there. Thanks for stopping by!
This one is so surreal, but all of the images are trying to say something – they are all trying to speak.
You get it, Tamra! Thanks for stopping by.
I liked it very much!
skin dreams