Bring pink roses
to scatter in my bed
and we’ll grind them into the sheets leaving
pink stains of lust.If you forget to remove the thorny
stems and they pierce my back,
and we’ll grind them into the sheets leaving
pink stains of lust.If you forget to remove the thorny
stems and they pierce my back,
it’s ok.
Pain and love are one.
_____________________________
Shared on dVerse Poets Pub.
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OK.— I like it, but… something is not ok with it… cannot put my finger on it really… it started so nicely with roses and lust… but then… hmm.. have to think about it, maybe its good
Thanks for sharing
Maggie
Magdalena, I like that you aren’t sure about how you feel and whether it’s “nice” or not. I want the reader to feel uncomfortable and a bit off-kilter when they read it. Your comments validate my efforts. Thanks.
I really enjoyed this…not so sure about the thorns although they make a great metaphor for the reality of love. It is not without pain, for sure.
Maybe it’s not a metaphor.
I like the brevity and the truth in it. It pricks short but fiercely like a thorn.
There’s a lot of turbulence in the opening lines, which makes the succinct finale that much more heartfelt. No matter what that beauty may carry with it: it’s ok. Tough to find five letters more complete.
I loved the active description that begins the poem and the revelation that ends it. Masterful.
That is sharp. I love the pink/pain combination. Sexy short write.
Wow! Very viivd images in this! Very nice!
http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/01/19/black-words/
pain and love are often bed fellows…for sure…like the sensuality in this blended well with reality…
what a great image with the pink roses and stains..the pain seems small compared to the lavish abundance..
Thanks, everybody. I value your insightful comments.